.: W A R N I N G :.

because kindness keeps the world afloat

2012-01-10T21:50:00.001+14:00

life vest inside -> ONE DAY

we're not here for a long time. we're here for a good time.

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+14:00

1988. 2000. 2012. dragon years.

when u're so close to the end, u have to remember the beginning.

2011-12-31T23:59:00.005+14:00

happy new day -> SOONER OR LATER

1433 H

2011-11-26T22:44:00.000-10:00

happy new year umat akhir zaman

#slowpoke

2011-11-01T18:11:00.001-10:00

cikidaud -> TAKE THIS LOLLIPOP

32.12.2010

2011-01-01T15:51:00.006-10:00

R E V I V E: to.be.concluded

Breaking the Chickens' Code: Chicken's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed

2009-12-06T04:37:00.007-11:00

why did the chicken cross the road?

163 years later, the question remains the same.
. . . so what's the answer? It depends on WHO you ask . . .

A. Samad Said: To get to the other side.

Al Gore: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the people.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Anwar: I did not perform sodomy with that chicken.

Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: It'll be back!

Azwan Ali: ADA AKU KESAH??? Cak Cak Cak

Baha Men: Who let the chickens out (cuckoo, cuckoo)

Bapak Ayam: Ayam? Ada ada, apa lu mau? Asian? Brazilian? Caucasian? Italian? Puerto Rican? Murah saja ma.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 7, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, cuckoo in the morning, advances in touch and handwriting recognition, support for virtual ‘chicken dance’, and improved performance on multi-core drumstick.

Bruce Lee: That's because even a chicken knows how to be like water -- you don't just cross the road, you become the road.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Cat Deeley: So you think you can cross?

Chris Rock: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

CIA: Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we will find out.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Darth Vader: To get to the dark side of the road.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Dane Cook: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Don Corleone: I made the chicken an offer it couldn't refuse.

Dr. M: Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that!

Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken’s crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn’t emote very well. It couldn’t even speak English! Thumbs down.

Eminem: ‘Cause it !@#$%&* wanted to. That’s the !@#$%&* reason.

Forest Gump: My momma always said, "Life is like a chicken. You never know what’s on the other side."

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either with us, or against us. There is no middle ground here.

Tony Blair: I agree with George.

Gossip Girl: That's one secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. XOXO.

Zainal Ariffin Ismail: Fenomena aneh ini bermula apabila seekor ayam melintas jalan pada waktu malam. Apakah sebenarnya maksud tersirat di sebalik kejadian ganjil tersebut? Jangan biarkan ayam anda diselubungi… misteri…

Hamlet: That is not the question.

J. R. R. Tolkien: One Road to rule them all, One Road to find them, One Road to bring them all and in the darkness bind them…

Jalil Hamid: Ayam… bermacam ayam…

John F. Kennedy: Don’t ask what the road can do for the chicken… but what the chicken can do for the road.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

JPJ: We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Karam Singh Walia: Seperti yang saudara dapat lihat, ayam-ayam ini bukan sahaja melintas jalan, malah membuang najis merata-rata dan ini adalah pencemaran yang paling hebat di maya ini. Kerajaan haruslah mengambil inisiatif untuk melatih ayam-ayam ini agar menahan najis sewaktu melintas jalan. Sekian saya sudahi dengan… “Ayam di jalan dilintaskan; Ayam di reban mati tak makan.”

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Karpal Singh: I'm gonna sue that chicken. Don’t play-play with me.

Khir Rahman: Kenapa dia melintas? Hah! Itu kita tak tahu.

Lee Kuan Yew: Bird flu hits Singapore.

Linus Torvalds: To become open source. Wait, it was a penguin; chicken is not capable of crossing road.

Loan Shark: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Mel Gibson: Why? Because it’s a !@#$%&* Jew. Jews think they can just !@#$%&* cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world!

Michael J. Fox: Nobody calls me chicken!

Morpheus: To get out of the Matrix.

Nas Ahmad: Kita terjah! ayam-ayam ini untuk mencari suatu kepastian.

Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for [a] chicken, one giant leap for the flock.

Nik Aziz: That is only for God to know. (Kecek Kelate la weh)

O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with the chicken at the time.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why it wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from its mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that it can just drive across the road and not live its life like the rest of the chickens.

Pak Lah: ZZZZZZZZZ

Plato: For the greater good.

Programmer: chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken->GetOtherSide()

Queen of Hearts: It doesn't matter. Off with its head.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Ronald McDonald: Spicy Chicken McDeluxe coming right up!

Ronald Reagan: Well……… I forget.

RPK: The chicken didn't make it to the other side. The chicken was bombed. The you-know-who was at the murder scene. It was a government conspiracy. It's mindboggling!

Saiful Bukhari: The chicken fcuk me in the ass.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Samuel L. Jackson: Enough is ENOUGH! I have had it with these motherf**kin' chickens on this motherf**kin' road!

Shahfiee Abdullah: Biarlah dia, dia dah besar, dah boleh fikir, itu semua ada kepentingan. haaaaaaa!! apeee dieeeeeee!!!! MASALAHNYEEE

Sherlock Holmes: Do not concern yourself with the chicken that did cross the road; the answer lies with the chicken that did not cross the road.

Shrek: Burrppp! What chicken?

Simon Cowell: I hate to be rude, but that was the worst road-crossing I have ever seen in my life. You are a disgrace to both chickens and roads. I have seen better chickens cross the road when they are already dead on served with a side of mashed potatoes. That was horrendous. So what if you are a hot ‘chick’? It just doesn't work for me. You should stay on the other side. I’m sorry, but it was totally horrible.

Siti Nurhaliza: No comment.

Tauke Ayam: Itu ayam lintas jalan pasal dia takut sama gua. Gua talak sembelih punya olang. Haiya, hali-hali ini macam boleh bankrup woo. Gua ingat lain kali gua mau jadi tauke babi la. Nanti lu jangan tanya pulak apa pasal itu babi lintas jalan.

The Riddler: For me to know, for you to find out.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Trinity: The answer is out there, Neo, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to. Follow the white chicken.

Upin & Ipin: Ayam!

Mail: 2 singgit 2 singgit 2 singgit 2singgittt!

Wan Kamarudin: Apa kejadahnya semua ini! Mak bapak ayam asyik dok menganga saja, anak-anak dah tak reti nak duduk reban, melintas sesuka hati dan buat perkara yang tak masuk dek akal!

White Chicks: Duh! Whateverrr.

William Shakespeare: To cross or not to cross, that is the question.

Yoda: To the dark side the chicken is crossing.

Zainal Alam Kadir: Ayam siapa kalau bukan ayam kita.

Samy Vellu: You ingat semua ini ayam saya punya bapa punya ka? Ini ayam hindraf punya. Kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar. MRR2 ada, PLUS ada, tol ada, ini ayam musti guna jembaten untuk lintas itu jalan lagi pun kalu ini ayam mau pigi jalan-jalan. Besok lintas, hari ini sampai. Ayam hisap dada derma dara. AYAM KAMBING BAG!!! (I am coming back!!!)

The Joker: Ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee hee, hee ha, ahaha. And I thought my jokes were bad. Let's wind the clocks back a year. These chickens wouldn't dare cross any of the road. I mean, what happened? Did-did their eggs drop off, hm? You see, a guy like me…

Najib: One Chicken. One Road. One Malaysia.

---------
*p/s: These answers may be updated from time-to-time. Maybe.

Cheers! =D

FAKTA [fuck-ta]

2009-12-05T03:31:00.004-11:00

Tunku Abdul Rahman - Bapa Kemerdekaan

Tun Abdul Razak - Bapa Pembangunan

Tun Hussein Onn - Bapa Perpaduan

Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad - Bapa Pemodenan

Pak Lah - Bapa Mertua Khairy

Najib - Bapaku pulang dari kota....

Another Hiatus: alive & not zombified (yet)

2009-11-28T06:11:00.002-11:00

heLL O

It’s been half a year (technically) since I last (what's another word for blog?).

ɐ p - ɐ ʎ - ǝ p - ɯ o o q

April Hiatus: still around

2009-05-12T22:41:00.022-11:00

______________

Eleven
cool.extraterrestrial.OMG.rare.unique
Places on EARTH
______________

1. Dry Valleys (Antarctica)

Antarctica's Dry Valleys, with their barren gravel-strewn floors, are said to be the most similar place on Earth to Mars. Its fascinating landscape, located within Victoria Land west of McMurdo Sound, get almost no snowfall, and except for a few steep rocks they are the only continental part of Antarctica devoid of ice. The terrain looks like something not of this Earth; the valley’s floor occasionally contains a perennially frozen lake with ice several meters thick. Under the ice, in the extremely salty water, live mysterious simple organisms, a subject of on-going research.

2. Socotra Island (Indian Ocean)

This island simply blows away any notion about what is considered “normal” for a landscape on Earth, you’d be inclined to think you were transported to another planet - or traveled to another era of Earth’s history. Socotra Island, which is part of a group of four islands, has been geographically isolated from mainland Africa for the last 6 or 7 million years. Like the Galapagos Islands, the island is teeming with 700 extremely rare species of flora and fauna, a full 1/3 of which are endemic.

The climate is harsh, hot and dry, and yet - the most amazing plant life thrives there. Situated in the Indian Ocean 250 km from Somalia and 340 km from Yemen, the wide sandy beaches rise to limestone plateaus full of caves (some 7 kilometers in length) and mountains up to 1525 meters high. The trees and plants of this island were preserved through the long geological isolation, some varieties being 20 million years old.

3. Rio Tinto (Spain)

The giant opencast mines of Rio Tinto create a surreal, almost lunar landscape. Its growth has consumed not only mountains and valleys but even entire villages, whose populations had to be resettled in specially built towns nearby. Named after the river which flows through the region-itself named for the reddish streaks that color its water-Rio Tinto has become a landscape within a landscape. The river red water is highly acidic (pH 1.7—2.5) and rich in heavy metals.

4. Kliluk, the Spotted Lake (Canada)

In the hot sun of summer, the water of Spotted Lake, located in British Columbia and Washington, evaporates and crystallizes the minerals, forming many white-rimmed circles: shallow pools that reflect the mineral content of the water in shades of blues and greens. It contains one of the worlds highest concentrations of minerals: magnesium sulfate (Epsom salts), calcium and sodium sulfates, plus eight other minerals and traces of four more, including silver and titanium.

The Indians soaked away aches and ailments in the healing mud and waters. One story cites a truce in a battle to allow both warring tribes to tend to their wounded in the Spotted Lake, "Kliluk".

5. Salar de Uyuni (Bolivia)

Bolivia's Salar de Uyuni is perhaps one of the most spectacular landscapes in the world. A magnificent area with an impressive salt desert (the world's largest), active volcanoes, tall cacti islands and geyser flats, it exists like an alien mirage, something completely out-of-this-world.

6. Redang Island (Malaysia)

Seeing is Believing. One of the largest land mass off the east coast of Terengganu. With the white sandy beaches, crystal clear waters and beats of Mraz, Pulau Redang is a heaven within a heaven. The waters around Pulau Redang also contain two historic shipwrecks. The H.M.S Prince of Wales and the H.M.S Repulse were sunk here at the start of World War II. This paradise-like island offers picturesque scene, a colorful array of spectacular marine life, a breathtaking sunset and what could be the world's most mature coral garden. God is Great.

7. Vale da Lua (Brazil)

Vale da Lua (Moon Valley) is a water eroded rock formation with natural swimming pools, placed on a river in the Brazilian cerrado forest. Located at Chapada, 38 km from Alto Paraíso de Goiás, it’s rock formations are one of the oldest on the planet, made of quartz with outcrops of crystals.

8. Blood Pond Hot Spring (Japan)

Blood Pond Hot Spring is one of the "hells" (Jigoku) of Beppu, Japan, nine spectacular natural hot springs that are more for viewing rather than bathing. The “blood pond hell” features a pond of hot, red water, colored as such by iron in the waters. It’s allegedly the most photogenic of the nine hells.

9. The Stone Forest (China)

The Shilin (Chinese for stone forest) is an impressive example of karst topography. Its rocks are made of limestone and are formed by water percolating the ground’s surface and eroding away everything but the pillars. It’s known since the Ming Dynasty as the 'First Wonder of the World.'

10. The Richat Structure (Mauritania)

This spectacular landforms in Mauritania in the southwestern part of the Sahara desert, called the Richat Structure, is so huge with a diameter of 30 miles that it is visible from space. The formation was originally thought to be caused by a meteorite impact but now geologists believe it is a product of uplift and erosion. The cause of its circular shape is still a mystery.

11. Eisriesenwelt Ice Caves (Austria)

Ice caves are very different from normal caves. They have a strange feeling about them, as though they are not from this planet, and one has just temporarily stepped into their world when spelunking their depths.

There are many ice caves throughout the world, but the Eisriesenwelt Ice Caves in Austria are some of the largest known to man. They are located within the Tennengebirge Mountains near Salzburg and stretch for a remarkable 40 kilometers. Only a portion of the labyrinth is open to tourists but it's enough to get a taste of what the remaining network is like: a truly mesmerizing palate of Mother Nature's handicraft.

MwT: parallel universe

2009-03-15T04:02:00.012-11:00

TEACHER: Alifah, what is the chemical formula for water?
ALIFAH: H I J K L M N O
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
ALIFAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O

TEACHER: Nadhrah, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
NADHRAH: A teacher

TEACHER: Farahana, how do you spell ‘alligator?’
FARAHANA: A-L-L-E-Y-G-A-Y-T-E-R
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
FARAHANA: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it

TEACHER: Sara, your composition on ‘My Cat’ is exactly the same as your sister’s. Did you copy her?
SARA: No, sir. It’s the same cat

TEACHER: If you had one ringgit and you asked your father for another, how many ringgits would you have?
EDZUA: One ringgit
TEACHER (sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic
EDZUA (sadly): You don’t know my father

*p/s: Nama-nama berikut tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup ataupun yang belum hidup. Happy Teacher's Day

The Curious Cassette of Benjamin Butang

2009-03-13T06:23:00.008-11:00

During the Great Recession, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Recession, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing.

"Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty ringgit that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his RM50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty ringgit that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Daym, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty ringgit," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred ringgit that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one.

"Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred ringgit!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

MORAL: never ever bet with a Professional GambL3r

14(th Feb) annoying things to do in an elevator

2009-02-08T21:35:00.003-11:00

Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
Meow occasionally.
Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly.
Say “DING!” at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
Drop a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream: "That's mine!".
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

August Hiatus: a mafia story

2009-01-03T06:44:00.005-11:00

All You Care About Is Money

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were “protecting.”

Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job.

If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000.

He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.

The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.

The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is.

The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.

The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where the money is.”

The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”

The deaf man replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The interpreter tells the hood, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “Now ask him where the money is!”

The interpreter signs, “Where is the money?”

The deaf man replies, “The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park.”

The interpreter says to the hood, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and doesn’t think you have the balls to pull the trigger.”

9 points of really lazy people

2008-12-30T06:06:00.011-11:00

Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.
...........

*yawn*

A Happy 2009/1430 to All

23 stuffs to do while ordering a pizza over the phone

2008-12-16T06:38:00.010-11:00

When they ask for your telephone number, say "Well you sound very nice, but my gf/bf won't let me".
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Ask if you can rent a pizza.
Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
Ask about pizza warranty and maintenance.
Order a Big Mac Value Meal.
Ask them, "Why does a round pizza come in a square box?".
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
Make the first topping with mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please". Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?".
When they say "Will that be all?”, snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?".
Answer their questions with questions.
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, and then behaves as if they called you.
Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
Ask them back, “Can I take your order now please?”.
Put them on hold.
Order a one-inch pizza.
When they ask for your address, give them their own address.
Tell them the elevator’s broke so make sure to have the pizza in a heat retaining bag, because your apartment's on the 36th floor.
Ask them about "23 stuffs to do while ordering a pizza over the phone".
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation”.

===========

No One Cares What You Had for Lunch

2008-12-13T21:23:00.011-11:00

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a good Boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. Tell me Billy, do you get punched in the face a lot in school? How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your freakin' house. Then you'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please, see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
WTF, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. HO! HO! HO!
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Love, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
You must be a major DORK. Don't you read the freakin' tags you little loser? All toys get made in China! I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table...
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Your friend, Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass beat at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Last but not least, I'm not your friend. Sweet Dreams!
Santa

The Untold Story of Santa Claus

A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas", and with his finger he taps the boy's nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S". The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys".

Santa replies once again tapping the boy's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y". Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy". "Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

She'll Make Greater

2008-12-10T23:00:00.018-11:00

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a surprise, she’ll give you a bombshell.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So... if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of ShiT!

p/s: Probably doesn't work with $$$ - ladies seems to have a talent for shrinking those xD

-EPILOGUE-

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

GIRL: I think I'm in love with another guy!
BOY: So am I

Top 7 Zombie Survival Tips

2008-11-25T17:08:00.008-11:00

So……… the inevitable has happened. Zombies have attacked the world!!! (Including zombi kampung pisang) You must know how to survive and this is the list that will contribute;

1. Pull your shit together!

If it’s a zombie infestation, the cops, ISA, firemen, pekida, soldiers, najib, and the doctors will all be rather busy, or dead. When the first zombies are seen, the police will take them to hospitals. Do not lock yourself in your apartment and wait for someone to save you. Do not cooperate with the authorities. They know nothing about zombies, as they believe that zombies are a myth.

2. Get armed

You do not want to face zombies and be unarmed, even if they are not so smart or quick or powerful, they will be too dangerous to fight bare handed. Firearms are good, but you should also have some side weapons you can use if you run out of bullets, or if they get too close. Anything’s good: knives, swords, axes or even poleaxes if you know how to use one properly. Blunt weapons are also good, but you must wear protection goggles and a mask, or something to protect your face from the splash.

3. Get armored

You must try to protect your body as much as you can especially the neck, arms and legs. These are the most exposed parts to bite. You can find lots of body armor from army surplus shops, or even martial arts and hunting shops. Jeans also offer good protection from bites. Levi’s 501 anyone?

4. Leave town

If the zombie infestation caught you in a big town, you must leave immediately. It’s one thing to face 10 zombies, but another thing to face 10000 zombies. Best thing is to go to the country. Farms are quite easy to defend, and the open spaces won’t let you get caught by surprise.

5. Gather supplies

Gather as many supplies as you can. Everything from bottled water to gas - you will need it (don’t forget condom). And it won’t be hard to do it… if everyone’s dead it won’t be stealing! Best thing is to get a truck and start looting the largest stores in the area. Don’t go into big towns, and don’t start looting until you are 100% sure there won’t be a zombie attack, let alone a big one! You don’t want the authorities to stop the attack, nor do you want to end up in jail for looting.

6. Barricade

Some barbed wire and a whole bunch of gas filled bottles can do wonders when defending your resort from a zombie attack. Also, alarms are a very good idea. You can make them yourself (some cans and pots on a wire) or get a real one, motion sensors and everything.

7. Search for survivors

After you have enough supplies, and your home and the surroundings are safe, you should start searching for survivors. Even if you are the only one of your group still alive, you’ll end up going mad if you remain alone. Start with the small towns around you. It will be quite easy if you have a zombie-proof car; not a Proton-convert. Just go to the town limits and honk. If zombies are there, they will head in your direction and you can just leave; alternatively you will recognize the survivors and can form a group. Safety in numbers!

------------------------------
These are only a few of the many guides. You can come up with your own plan.

22 Ways To Kill A Man With Your Bare Hands

2008-11-24T21:47:00.014-11:00

Sometimes when you are threatened with physical violence, a weapon to defend yourself with is not always available. Your hands, however, are always with you, and can be as lethal as any weapon. Below is a list of attacks that will almost certainly result in death. Remember, these techniques should never be used except in a life or death situation for self-defense.

xo xo

TEMPLE - A very susceptible vital spot. If struck with sufficient force, may cause unconsciousness or death.
NASION - This is the summit of the nose. If struck with sufficient force may cause death.
PHILTRUM - This is the area between the upper lip and the bottom of the nose. Attack to this area may also cause unconsciousness or death.
HOOK TO JAW - A powerful hook punch to the front side of jaw may snap an enemy's neck. Fatal.
ADAM'S APPLE - A sharp blow here may cause enemy to asphyxiate.
SOLAR PLEXUS - The small of back. May cause death.
TESTICLES - The strong, focused pain of a vicious low blow may cause shock, resulting in death.
BASE OF CEREBELLUM - A powerful blow to the nape of the neck, causing mortal damage.
COCCYX - A powerful blow to the tailbone. Fatal.
FULL NELSON - Stand behind the enemy, put your arms under his, and lock your hands behind his head. Bending the neck forward may either break neck, asphyxiate enemy, or cut of supply of spinal fluid to brain, causing brain damage or death.
HALF NELSON - Again, standing behind enemy, but one arm is used to pin one of enemy's arms.
BRAIN BUSTER - Bend enemy over towards you, placing him in a Headlock. Grab the back of his belt, and haul him into the air, vertical, upside-down. Allow yourself to fall backward, landing on your enemy's head, which will absorb your combined weight. Most effective on concrete or gravel.
RUSSIAN OMELET - Cross enemy's legs. Fold enemy by pinning his shoulders to ground upside-down and placing his legs above him. Sit on his legs, folding the bass of the spine. Fatal.
HEART PUNCH - A strongman's attack, it is simply a powerful blow to the heart. (Many years ago, the wrestler Ox killed an opposing wrestler with this attack.)
UPPERCUT - An upward strike to the bottom of the jaw with the heel of the hand, causing the enemy's head to snap backward. May shatter vertebrae. Fatal.
ABDOMEN - A substantial blow to this area may rupture a vital organ, causing death.
RIB CAGE - A vicious shattering of the rib cage may cause grave internal bleeding.
HEAD-TO-WALL PUNCH - A swift, hard, cold-cock punch to an enemy's face while he is standing near a wall may drive his head into it, causing the back of the skull to shatter fatally.
PINNED DROP KICK - Standing behind enemy, holding his arms straight back. A drop kick to the back without releasing arms may severe spine, causing death.
HEAD WRENCH - Grabbing an enemy's head by the mouth and the back of the skull, and then twisting with a sudden, violent jerk to rend vertebrae may easily cause death.
CHOKEHOLD - Once a favourite of law enforcement officials, has often proved deadly. The right arm goes over the enemy's right shoulder, and grips the back of the head. The left arm comes over his left shoulder, reaches across neck, and grabs own right forearm. With enough pressure applied, causes brain damage or death.
HEAD YANK - Bend enemy forward, grab head, and pull back with convincing force. May separate delicate vertebrae, causing death.

Do you have any idea what this is all about? Nope? Well don’t bother trying. Just carry a gun next time.

"CURVE the Bullet"

I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.

2008-11-24T04:43:00.011-11:00

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DOWNLOAD link:
----------------------------------------------------
The Internal Security Act 1960 (ISA)
----------------------------------------------------

KUWAKCHAI

2008-11-04T23:00:00.027-11:00

Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak
Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

-Usman Awang
2611.1999

---------------------------------------------------------------

Gangster
Ini bukan zaman gangster
Lagi molek jadi hacker
Tiada tempat untuk gangster
Ini bukan zaman gangster

Banyak gila yang ditonton di depan kanta
Tujuh tujuh, tiga enam, tiga kosong, pantun bermula
Nak rentap jalanan, siapa jaguh, siapa johan, siapa lagi taksub ****da
Simpang mana, abang siapa, ayah siapa, melayu sama melayu, melayu sama layu
Buka buah, lain baju
Mari tengok siapa yang kena guni dahulu
Yang lebat semestinya taikor besar, dah lupa bai'ah, tapau kutip selalu belakang cerita
Tarik Abu sarung ajak, paksa Ali naik kena
Jangan nak menikam belakang. Mara bahaya semua
(jajahan ini pkd punya)

Gangster
Ini bukan zaman gangster
Tiada tempat untuk gangster

Apa yang nak kau dakwah, dah kau memang tak bleh blah, alasan diberi, kesemua syok sendiri,
Engkaulah putih engkaulah merah, tiada otai yang potong berpaling tadah.
Hampir bila lu nak tiru mafia?
Kokoknya lebih, sabungnya tidak, suatu hari lu pasti mesti hilang tonggak,
Kejahilan anak baru nak madah, mana pergi putih, mana hilang merah,
Mana salam ukhwah, mana angah adik gua, mana kata seranting
Mana amar dan makruf, di mana nahi dan mungkar, orang tanya... dia kencing

Memang kita suka sarcastic, barang depan mata
Yang di sini bukan kontroversi, tapi bukti konspirasi
Hari ganti minggu pemimpin menjadi kayu, calit diskriminasi punya kerajaan se-udara,
Rosak badan pasal sakit, rosak bangsa asbab leka. Ada yang pesong, ada yang betul, hasilnya... kekalahan
Tanah Malaya moden jangan ditinggal alif ba ta, Tanah Malaya tiga belas lima jangan dibawa sisa
Rahsia tak usah dam nya disimpan, burung api tak dijinakkan dan pilih bangkai dari perawan,
Ini coretan karut, yang terasa lagi mencarut mengarut

Gangster
Tiada tempat untuk gangster
Ini bukan zaman gangster

---------------------------------------------------------------

[ Originally written in 1426 Hijr ]

-orang ada band, kau pun nak ada band
-orang buat blog, kau pun nak buat blog
-orang jadi gangster, kau......... tak ikut
tau beza, baguih dok ada

Kau hanya akan dipandang ketika mereka memerlukan bantuan, jika tidak kau akan sentiasa dianggap lelaki yang pelik, sama macam aku...

-The Joker
1707.2008

KENAPA SERIUS SANGAT?

77 Things To Do When You Have No Internet

2008-10-27T23:30:00.042-11:00

"Lost a connection? A list of things you can do without the Internet just isn’t an option"

Learn a card trick
Play solitaire
Rename your collection of 10,000 photos
Format your hard drive
Go to the gym
Clean your toilet
Have a picnic
Watch a movie
Have a nap
Mess around with Photoshop
Listen to mp3
Organize your documents
Lie in the grass and watch the clouds
Write a poem
Drink 8 cups of water
Learn how to do the moon walk
Visit a graveyard
Get in touch with old friends
Look through your old yearbooks
Give out free hugs
Figure out the meaning of life
Scan your computer for viruses
Play some sports
Count from 1 to a million
Just lay back and chill
Go to the beach
Meditate
Walk around town
Get in your car and keep driving until you run out of petrol
Open/Close the CD tray over and over again
Make an HTML page
Uninstall useless programs taking up valuable space
Run backwards
Go to a zoo
Go outside and take pictures of random people
Open a dictionary and learn 100 new words
Make a prank call
Empty the recycle bin
Try renaming a folder into “con”
Keep trying…
Call a friend and ask them why they are answering the phone
Find out what all the buttons on your keyboard do
Open the registry and delete all the entries starting with the letter “a”
Re-Install Windows XP after you’ve messed it up
Slap yourself for using XP in the first place
Blame Politics and Global Warming
Open “about:robots” with Firefox and press the “Try Again” button
Press the “Please do not press this button again.” button
Ask yourself why it disappears and nothing happens
Take a shower, do not masturbate
Eat something
Send a message to your own mobile
Count the number of cars that pass by your window each minute
Arrange your TV channels
Open Microsoft Word, type =rand(200,99) and press enter
Take something apart
Put it back together
Read your computer’s user guide, for the first time
Play a board game
Invite friends over
Ask them about things to do when you have no internet
Read a newspaper
Look in the mirror and try to act cool
Do your homework
Smile at a random person on the street
Walk in front of a stranger and ask them why they are following you
Watch Titanic for the 15th time
Hide behind bushes and scare people
Restart your computer
Rearrange your desktop icons
Open a blank page in your browser and repeatedly press F5
Cry desperately
Open videos and images using notepad
Repeat all of the above
Ask yourself why you didn’t just go to the Cyber Café
Google about 77 things to do when you have no Internet
Write a list of 77 things to do when you have no Internet

By the time you’ve done doing those things, pretty sure your konek-tion will be back!

.

2008-09-16T20:53:00.020-11:00

Fight Club

2008-07-29T20:57:00.016-11:00

The first rule of fight club is... you do not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club is... you do not talk about fight club.
Third rule of fight club, someone yells "Stop!", goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.
Fourth rule, only two guys to a fight.
Fifth rule, one fight at a time, fellas.
Sixth rule, no shirt, no shoes.
Seventh rule, fights will go on as long as they have to.
And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.

The Conscience of a Hacker

2008-07-29T16:55:00.008-11:00

HACKER MANIFESTO
Written on January 8, 1986
----------------------------------

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...

Damn kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a hacker, enter my world...

Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...

Damn underachiever. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."

Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me... Or feels threatened by me.. Or thinks I'm a smart ass.. Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...

Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is found. "This is it... this is where I belong..." I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...

Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

+++The Mentor+++