9 points of really lazy people
30.12.08
- Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.
- ...........
*yawn*A Happy 2009/1430 to All
6 Critic(s)
23 stuffs to do while ordering a pizza over the phone
16.12.08
- When they ask for your telephone number, say "Well you sound very nice, but my gf/bf won't let me".
- Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
- Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
- Ask if you can rent a pizza.
- Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
- Ask about pizza warranty and maintenance.
- Order a Big Mac Value Meal.
- Ask them, "Why does a round pizza come in a square box?".
- When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
- Make the first topping with mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please". Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
- When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?".
- When they say "Will that be all?”, snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?".
- Answer their questions with questions.
- Ask what the order taker is wearing.
- Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, and then behaves as if they called you.
- Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
- Ask them back, “Can I take your order now please?”.
- Put them on hold.
- Order a one-inch pizza.
- When they ask for your address, give them their own address.
- Tell them the elevator’s broke so make sure to have the pizza in a heat retaining bag, because your apartment's on the 36th floor.
- Ask them about "23 stuffs to do while ordering a pizza over the phone".
- Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation”.
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6 Critic(s)
No One Cares What You Had for Lunch
13.12.08
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a good Boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. Tell me Billy, do you get punched in the face a lot in school? How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your freakin' house. Then you'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please, see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
WTF, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. HO! HO! HO!
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Love, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
You must be a major DORK. Don't you read the freakin' tags you little loser? All toys get made in China! I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table...
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Your friend, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass beat at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Last but not least, I'm not your friend. Sweet Dreams!
Santa
The Untold Story of Santa ClausA little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas", and with his finger he taps the boy's nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S". The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys".
Santa replies once again tapping the boy's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y". Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy". "Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
6 Critic(s)
She'll Make Greater
10.12.08
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a surprise, she’ll give you a bombshell.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So... if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of
ShiT!p/s: Probably doesn't work with - ladies seems to have a talent for shrinking those xD-EPILOGUE-GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...
GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
GIRL: I think I'm in love with another guy!
BOY: So am I
3 Critic(s)