No One Cares What You Had for Lunch
13.12.08
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a good Boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. Tell me Billy, do you get punched in the face a lot in school? How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your freakin' house. Then you'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please, see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
WTF, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. HO! HO! HO!
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Love, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
You must be a major DORK. Don't you read the freakin' tags you little loser? All toys get made in China! I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table...
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Your friend, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass beat at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Last but not least, I'm not your friend. Sweet Dreams!
Santa
A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas", and with his finger he taps the boy's nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S". The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys".
Santa replies once again tapping the boy's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y". Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy". "Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
6 Critic(s)
overThinker.